You know how sometimes in your imagination you can do just about anything? Well, it’s not always so in my case. Yesterday I decided to forego buying my usual loaf of multigrain bread. I had enough flour at home, baking my own bread seemed like a ground breaking idea. As I move on further into this story of mine, you’ll understand why I used the above expression. I got the best yeast I could find. It was about $2.50 for three packs – not too expensive.

All my ingredients were set out – sifted flour, yeast, salt. I think that was about it. I even solicited the advice of my younger sister who apparently was a dab hand at baking. Everything went well. My dough was nice and spongy and had risen well.

The next step was to shape my dough into individual buns, which I did. Feeling pleased with myself, I placed my spongy buns into the pre-heated oven with visions of their golden crustiness and fresh, wholesome goodness flooding my mind and tantalising my senses.

I was close to excited now. This was the first time I had ever attempted this bread baking business. The buns looked round and had browned nicely. I took them out of the oven and placed them on the stove. I still needed to check if they were baked on the inside. I took a skinny serrated knife and pressed into the outer shell of the bread. Nothing. The point of the knife didn’t even graze the first one.  Alright then, so I used a little more force. Still nothing – the knife was beginning to bend.

Oh no! I over baked it. I took another knife and held it about seven inches away from the offending bun before bringing it down with force. It went through this time but I had to wrestle with it to get the knife out.

The buns rolled around like rocks on the baking sheet. I held one in my hand and I swear if one of these were to fall on your head, you’d be knocked unconscious. You could seriously get hurt. Wearing a helmet would be advisable. My buns went from spongy to rock hard.

I still had to conduct the next test. I took one of the rocks..I mean buns and placed it on a cutting board. Taking a bigger serrated knife, I proceeded to saw through the exterior of the bread before I got through to the soft inside.

To be honest, it wasn’t bad. The bone crushing exterior of the bread combined with the warm buttered softness of the inside was almost pleasing. Some effort was required to bite into it, however, I managed to come away with all of my teeth intact and since I had a mug of tea at hand, the possibility of choking was lessened.

Anyway, I have more flour and more yeast. I’ll try again. In the mean time, I could use the other four as paper weights.

Hard as rocks

Hard as rocks

I guess making a living as a baker is out of the question.

I guess making a living as a baker is out of the question.